Hope When You’re At The End of Yourself

I wasn’t sure I could get through the work day ahead. My soul was weary and I felt defeated. As I sat in my car in the office parking lot, I plugged in my headphones put the song “Carry Me” by Josh Wilson on repeat. All day, as I went through the motions of my job, I listened to this song over and over and over, hoping its words would sink deep into my soul and keep propelling me forward.

See, I went to church, I had a strong relationship with God, I knew the answers were prayer and patience, but I was too deeply ensnared by my current situation to see beyond the problems weighing me down. Sure, I was praying – every day, throughout the day – but it wasn’t getting any better (at least not by my timeline). The hopelessness, despair, weariness, and resignation were beginning to take hold. I could barely drag myself through another day.

Have you been there? Suffocating in the overwhelmingness of your current situation? Physically weighted down by your problems? Ensnared in the grips of grief?

I try to catch my breath
It hasn’t happened yet
I’m wide awake in the middle of the night scared to death
So I prayed God, would You make this stop
Father please hold on to me, You’re all I’ve got

In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.  Psalm 18:6, 16

This world is full of pain and suffering and sometimes it feels like you can’t catch a break and it’ll never get better. Feeling the weight of the world and wondering if God will ever answer isn’t an indictment of your faith, rather it’s a reminder to dig deeper.

Our suffering can take a physical toll. I found it harder to breathe and felt a physical weight on my shoulders. Maybe you’re not sleeping or having increased anxiety. In the depths of my weariness, the verses of the song became my prayer: “God, would you make this stop? Father, please hold onto me, you’re all I’ve got.”

Jesus calm my heart
Come near me please
Lord don’t let these worries get the best of me
Oh I believe, that You’re still here with me
Cause You meant what You said when You said You’d never leave

Jesus said, “Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.”  John 16:22

I needed to remind myself that He was here with me in the mess, in the despair, in the muck of what life was throwing my way. He promised he’d never leave.

I’m at the end of myself
I know I’ve got nothing left
Feels like I’m stuck in the valley of the shadow of death
And I’ve been down here so long
I just can’t find my way out
Oh God I don’t stand a chance
Unless You carry me now
God carry me now

This verse really called to my heart – “I’m at the end of myself. I know I’ve got nothing left. Feels like I’m stuck in the valley of the shadow of death and I’ve been down here so long I just can’t find my way out.” Are you here now? Maybe all you can do, too, is cry out, “God, carry me now!”

I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart. All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you. I wait for you, O LORD; you will answer, O Lord my God.  Psalm 38:8-9,15

Carry me, carry me, carry me now
From my sinking sand to Your solid ground
The only way I’m ever gonna make it out
Is if You carry me, carry me, carry me now
God carry me, carry me, carry me now

“Carry Me” by Josh Wilson

When you’re in this place, cry out for Jesus to carry you from the sinking sand to solid ground. He’s there waiting for you, He promised He’d never leave and I’ve found Him to be oh so faithful. You may not be able to utter much more than this – I couldn’t. But when all the other words fail you, cry out for God to simply carry you through the valley and lead you to more solid ground.

I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.  Jeremiah 31:13

In my life, I’ve found God to be more than faithful. He was there with me every step of the way. He carried me through the toughest days and, in His time, He showed me the next steps and path forward. His answers are often slower than I’d like, yet in hindsight I can see purpose in the wait. Sometimes we have to spend time in the valley to heal and prepare for what He’s planned for us next.

If you’re here, I want to encourage you to hold fast to God. Even if you don’t feel His presence or hear Him answering your prayers, keep close to Him and ask Him to carry you through this season and take you to more solid ground.

The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The LORD protects the simple-hearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. Psalm 116:5-6

If you’re at the end of yourself and in need of God’s strength to carry you through, try 21 days of prayer through my Pray Deep: Finding Stillness in the Storm prayer journal. These daily devotions and prayers will help you “be still and know that He is God” and learn to trust that God is fighting for you. 

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