On Turning 40

Tomorrow I turn {gasp} 40! How did I get to be a grown-up already? I remember when my dad turned 40. He seemed so… old. They were, you know, the… parents. And now that’s me… Where did the time go?

There something about birthdays ending in zeros to make one reflective. Maybe it’s a good thing; an opportunity to take stock of where we’ve been and where we’re heading. An opportunity to learn from the past and set a direction for the years ahead.

So, here goes…

Discovering Self…

My 20s were the “discovering self” years. The years of finding my independence and beginning adulthood. I graduated from college and started working in a demanding career of IT consulting. The motto was “work hard, play hard” and I did plenty of both, but too many years went by in a blur of long work hours. While these years had their challenges and certainly their fair share of mistakes, they were definitely formative.

The end of my 20s brought some significant changes. I bought a house and, in the process of buying that house, met a wonderful friend who introduced me to my husband. However, mixed with the joy of finding love and getting married came the grief of losing my mother. She lost her battle with cancer just three weeks before my wedding. I don’t think anything grows you up quite like losing your Mommy.

Discovering Family…

So, my 30s became the “discovering family” years. I spent the first half of my 30s settling into marriage and the second half becoming a mom to two precious children. Many of these years were still a blur of long work hours, with the added stresses of motherhood. With the kids only 20 months apart, our lives became a string of sleepless nights, endless diapers, and the new routine of parenthood. But despite all of that, what a joy it was to finally be a mom!

The end of my 30s brought realization and clarity. An opening of my eyes that I was giving the best of myself to my job and not saving enough energy and time for my family or for making a difference in this world. I’d lost sight of what made me passionate. I had to learn the hard way to put some boundaries around my work, shift my priorities and focus on what is truly important. In this process, I have begun to hear God’s call for my life. Not my plans or ambitions, which were my compass through my 20s and 30s, but His plans for my future.

Discovering God’s Plan For Me…

So, I want my 40s to be “discovering God’s plan for me”. Finally living into who God wants me to be. It’s a bit like stepping off a ledge and not knowing what’s beneath you. I’m not entirely sure what His plan looks like or where it will lead me. In the past, I had an idea what my future looked like – my career ambitions, marriage, motherhood. But, standing here at at 40, I can say I have absolutely no idea what my life will look at 50 – and that’s actually very exciting! Exciting to put this next decade into God’s hands and see where He leads me. See how He will transform me over these next years.

So, here’s to 40! A decade focused on “becoming”. Becoming who I’m meant to be; who God made me to be. And helping my children become who God made them to be. The possibilities are exciting (and a little scary), but change is good and necessary. Can’t wait to see where I am at 50 (just not too soon)!

Heavenly Father, I ask for your blessing on this 40th birthday. Thank you for those who have brought me to where I am today. Now, guide me and lead my life to a new place, a place where I become who You planned me to be. Mold me, make me over, transform me! Be my guide in this next decade and beyond. Amen!

Yet you, Lord, are our Father.
 We are the clay, you are the potter;
 we are all the work of your hand. ~Isaiah 64:8 (NIV)